So this is me trying to appreciate my body :)

I am a victim of my own paranoia

A Gemini's touch

I liked to think of myself as a beast .....


No, that's not right..... I liked to think that Aphrodite had a hand in creating me.

Or maybe more than a hand......


Who is Aphrodite?


She's the goddess of love


Of  fertility and lust...


I'd liked to think I was her special project...... Until now.

Lying in my own bed for the first time this weekend, I understand now what it feels like to be taken. To be at the mercy of someone better than you at what you thought you could do best. To be underneath someone who counters all your moves almost immediately you try to; and then pulls the same moves on you and you are completely helpless. To be tortured and not be able to torture. Captor turned captive and predator, prey.

I feel completely powwerless....This cannot be possible. Its already done I understand, but how is it that an art that I am over-familiar with seem so new, intense and foreign? How is it entirely possible for my most powerful weapon, my body, betray me and become another's tool against me. Im sitting on my favorite grandfather chair, rocking with irritation as I try to rationalize the events of yesterday.... The cool evening breeze whooshes by, causing my bare legs to tingle with rising goosebumps. I look at my legs and hate my body more for its betrayal.

And then I gently raise my legs in the air and do a little wiggle.... And I remember the smirk on his face as he raised his head and

Your legs are shaking..... Good 


I...I... I don't understand 


You shouldn't ..... It would be a fail on my path if you did.


It would be hard to forget that tell-tale smirk he had on, even while he slept. His arms draped albeit possessively around my naked  torso; an embrace that made it easy for me to move around, but hard for me to leave the bed. As I struggled with my thoughts, trying to find a valid reason why my body had betrayed me,  I failed to notice that he had woken up.
With closed eyes and a yielding mouth, he pulled me closer and captured a nipple with his mouth. His fingers toyed with  the other, teasing until it became a firm little soldier.

The curtains drew shut against my thoughts...

He momentarily freed the nipple and looked at me with his sleep brown eyes and smiled

You looked so troubled... I don't want you to be troubled in my bed


I'm fine, its really nothing


He reached up and kissed my neck, a shiver ran down my spine. My mind shut down.

You have the most beautiful arch... And the most arousing love faces 

He chuckled.

Apparently, Aphrodite didn't touch me alone..... I'm angry

But He's a Gemini, and so am I... and then it hits me.

I've never had another touch me....

Its amazing, this new discovery, of how wondrous it feels

For the tables to turn to much

By a simple Gemini's touch.

God's Answer To A Black Woman's Prayer

Lord, Why Did You Make Me Black…
Why did you make someone the world would hold back? 
Black is the color of dirty clothes, 
Of grimy hands and feet… 
Black is the color of darkness, Of tired beaten streets…
Why did you give me thick lips,
A broad nose and and kinky hair?
Why did you create someone
Who receives the hated stare?
Black is the color of the bruised eye
When someone gets hurt…
Black is the color of darkness,
Black is the color of dirt.
Why is my bone structure so thick,
My hips and cheeks so high?
Why are my eyes brown,
And not the color of the sky?
Why do people think I’m useless?
How come I feel so used?
Why do people see my skin
And think I should be abused?
Lord, I just don’t understand…
What is it about my skin?
Why it is some people want to hate me
And not know the person within?
Black is what people are “Labeled”
When others want to keep them away…
Black is the color of shadows cast…
Black is the end of the day.
Lord you know my own people mistreat me,
And you know this just ain’t right…
They don’t like my hair; they don’t like my skin, as they say I’m too dark or too light!
Lord, don’t you think It’s time to make a change?
Why don’t you redo creation
And make everyone the same?




God’s Reply: 

Why did I make you black? 
Why did I make you black? I made you in the color of coal from which beautiful diamonds are formed…

I made you in the color of oil, 
The black gold which keeps people warm. Your color is the same as the rich dark soil that grows the food you need… 

Your color is the same as the black stallion and panther, Oh what majestic creatures indeed! 
All colors of the heavenly rainbow 
Can be found throughout every nation… 
When all these colors are blended, 
You become my greatest creation!
Your hair is the texture of lamb’s wool, 
Such a beautiful creature, is he… 
I am the shepherd who watches them, I will ALWAYS watch over thee! 
You are the color of the midnight sky, I put star glitter in your eyes… 
There’s a beautiful smile hidden behind your pain… 
That’s why your cheeks are so high!
You are the color of dark clouds
From the hurricanes I create in September… 
I made your lips so full and thick, 
So when you kiss… they will remember! 
Your stature is strong, your bone structure thick to withstand the 
Burden of time…
The reflection you see in the mirror, 
That image that looks back, that is MINE! 
So get off your knees, 
Look in the mirror and tell me what you see? I didn’t make you in the image of darkness…
I made you in the image of ME!

  I can still taste you on my lips, still feel the cool evening breeze caressing my hair, the glitters of my shirt on your face, hands and neck...

      I can still feel the heat on my cheeks when you said we were being watched.... For that moment I felt invincible...There was only you and me and the magic of our kiss ...

     We may never kiss again and we may never talk again like we used to, I will never forget that evening breeze fanning my semi-concealed thighs...

     And the way you put your arms around me and held me like nothing else mattered..... If this is what a kiss should be like, then you were my first kiss...

     I remember when we were so close together, our eyes almost colliding, talking but not paying attention....Your kiss is like a rare type of magic ..

     I know I shouldn't have kissed you back, I shouldn't have encouraged it, But I'm glad I did because it was worth every guilt trip.

     I will have to move on and leave you with her, I may never feel anything thing for you, but the memory of your kiss will be ingrained in my body and in my soul for all time.....

                                               ....And when I'm older, married and with kids

                                               ....I'll sip my tea on a sunny Saturday,

                                               ....Lost in Blissful Yesterdays...

The Reason..

It hurts to be away from you..
To know that I cannot reach you,
To come to terms with the fact that I want to be next to you
And to realize I cant.

Its a feeling I don't want to wish on my worst enemy.
Do you know how worried I was?
So I buried my head and my heart into the next best thing,
And I must say it welcomed me with open arms...

And I forgot about the pain and the heartache,
And I tried to have a good time again...
Frankly, I don't know If I feel the same way about you.
And I wish that wasn't the case...

You don't fall in love with someone and shut the person out,
You don't claim you love someone and not give her the chance to love you back.

I have a feeling things will change between us, but I dont want it to.
You should realize that if we are going to be, you have to let me be me.
I'm only human and sometimes I need to breathe...
I dont love you like I used to...
But I will fight for the will to

But as of now, there is smoke in the air
And when it clears out, we will always be here.
Together or apart, I cant really say...
But whatever it is will be better that way

The Feeling

I can't help myself,
I stare,
I touch,
in my world, my finger is the brush, your body is the canvas,
I continue to paint,
touching your skin as light as I can, my touch giving you goose pimples, the feeling, making you shiver,
Its a feeling I can't control,
a feeling I don't want to control,
a feeling I don't want to know how to stop,
a feeling I don't want to try to stop,
Its been too long,
so this is what an attraction means,
exactly like magnets,
I'm trying not to follow you,
this is hard,
its hard to hold back,
I want to be next to you,
but I have to let you be you,
it aches,
I curse this feeling,
why can't I have you just the way I want you?
are you not mine?
am I not yours?
then why can't I possess you the way I want to, anytime I want to.
Your skin,
your scent,
you.
Please don't go.

#NP Drink The Night Away - Tyga F/ The Game & Mario

Desire

Gentle touches,

art in mind,

so I treat her body that way,

every stroke is a new color,

every stroke is divine,

everything that has led to this moment I blame on the intoxicating feeling of love and wine,

the full moon shines bright on her sweaty skin exposing the beads slowly dripping down,

I lose track of everything,

nothing is wrong,

nothing is right,

nothing makes sense anymore,

we are animals for the night.

I've tasted everything,

kissed everything,

made everything produce liquid,

and I've licked and sucked it all.

Her head is tilted back,

the constant pressure and throbbing affects her every movement,

the force jolts her,

every stroke,

a light gasp,

the effect is taking her away,

I bring her back, kiss, lick, nibble, eat,

her body is mine and I'm doing what I want with it.

I take myself lower,

slowly reaching her most sensitive region,

my tongue wants to play,

it moves in my mouth begging to embrace and to be embraced,

finally its let out,

and with every twist, lick and suck,

the moans get louder and louder,

I get deeper and deeper

and she eventually begins to scream and beg,

its intoxicating, her screams,

not too loud, not too silent.

The echoes, the darkness and the moonlight plays a part in this our most natural act.

Her hands quiver, desperately searching for something to grab and hold on to,

and she finds my hair,

she pulls burying her nails in my scalp,

but I don't feel anything amazingly,

the only thing I feel is her want for more, and I am determined to fulfill.

Her words, however incoherent seems to make sense to me,

the slight change of tone in every scream, moan, language tells me to never stop,

and I'm enjoying every nano-second of it,

still working my tongue, fingers, hands, everything to make the next stroke twice as special,

twice as pleasurable,

she is wet,

terribly wet,

I didn't stop until she screamed the words that let me know I had opened the flood gates inside her.

I placed my finger one last time and kissed it goodnight.

Till next time

#np Chris Brown's No Bullshit

Scenes

What happens to the poverty stricken mute of a girl who can't read or write, how does she say those three words to him?

What happens to those that walk with us but cannot be seen, those that once lived?

What happens to the boy that was left behind, the boy that is stuck in the past?

What happens to the people that did not witness the rainbow those three nights?

What happens to the kid that sits there staring at fireworks every new year next to the tombstone?

What happens to the woman that can not remember the best day of her life?

What happens to the Priest that constantly hears the screams of the people he misled?

What happens to the kid that takes refuge in the dark, buried in his own guilt and sorrow?

What happens to you when you look deep into your eyes in the mirror?

What happens to the last words you uttered to them?

What happens to the promises they made, that was their last?

What happens to the old man that sits on the park bench alone but is really sitting amongst his demons?
What happens to the person that can see that?

What happens to the fire-fighter that is afraid of the dark?

What happens to the old woman that says the after life is a life of hurt and unrest.

What happens to the kid that witnesses himself commiting suicide?

What happens to me when I imagine someone death and the person looks like me?

What happens? What happens?

Based on my thoughts, experiences and nightmares

#np Drake's The Resistance

Lets Face it, I'm the Blessed one here... :P

When I stare at your Afro, your big beautiful eyes and your large heart....

I cant help but think, I am so lucky to have you...

When I listen to your conversations on matters of the head and of the heart...

I cant help but think, I am so lucky to have you.

I had no idea I would fall for you, but I was completely blown away when you told me you had fallen for me.

It's been so hard to accept that you love me....

So I am still positive that I'm so lucky to have you.

I wont say Im the best there is and I know I dont deserve you.

But I promise you this, from the bottom of my heart.

I will be whatever you need, to the best of my capability

and I will go the extra mile to be your girl

Because you have already given me the key...

To unlock the seemingly hidden

To break all the barriers

To heal the wounds

To mend your heart.....

And to show you how much love you deserve because you are who you are to me....

So quit being an Idiot and Accept the truth...

I am blessed to have you boo...

D.E.E.

I Can't Hear You

So I'm in class, in my little corner, ears plugged, in my own world, something just made me laugh actually.
They are all huddled together, having a class, practicals I suppose and he touched her bare knee and what did he do after that? He glanced at me in the dark (power cut *Kanye Shrug* go figure LOL) and saw the light from my laptop shine on my face from underneath making me look a bit menacing, like how we put the torch light underneath our faces to make us look really scary, when he noticed I was smiling, he knew I had seen what had just happened and then he respected himself.
There's just something about not being able to hear or say shit that makes you see more, I'm usually like that when I'm in an unfamiliar area around such people, some people tag me an "The uncool kid" (pun intended), a snob, a loner, anti-social and shit, but I really don't give a fuck because whatever I do people will still judge me, whether I smoke hash, drink, party, save the world, whatever, this is related to the main point of "Kodak Moment".
So if I'm gonna be judged when I'm alive by people who are not in such a position to and then die and be judged AGAIN?! FUCK IT! I'm gonna do me and do what I want to do when I want to do it, I can say that because I've been raised as a responsible kid and besides being me is the only thing I know how to do, and it so happens to fuel the really great things about me that a few people are beginning to notice and fully appreciate.
As for that dude, its all good, I saw it wasn't intentional.

#np The Cool Kids' Birthdays 

The Lost Gardens of Heligan

Now don't lie, you know you would run if you came across it.... They are beautiful aren't they???

The FUTURE IS HERE !!!

This is a personal Video I feel You should all see.... Its a beautiful, inspirational song that should open your eyes to see what we have to do in order to move NIGERIA in our own little way.
You see NIGERIA is not moving because we have not personalised NIGERIA'S Progress.
Once you start to live, not as a NIGERIAN, but as NIGERIA, It becomes a less arduous task.
When we love NIGERIA like we love our loved ones, friends and family, We can effortlessly make Nigeria better because of our Love.

 

YouTube - TY Bello - The Future Official Video (We are Nigeria)

...... The dilemmas of a free spirited teenager.....

Im lost..... even the ideas of a blog make me almost nauseated....

Scars

Yes, I like her, the feeling is coming back again. I must admit, I did miss it, someone to think about, to miss, someone to call. It makes me realise how much of a loner I can be atimes.

So NoHomosapien what would you say about her?

I believe that her true self contrdicts her exterior, she's very soft, oh so soft, fragile, harmless, she reminds me of myself, its terrible that somone so harmless has been harmed so many times, like me.
I also believe that one of the things that I find attractive about her is her scars. There's something about me and scars, they seem to make someone more of a human, makes you realise that you aren't perfect and it doesn't have to be physical, when I look at her? I just want to take care of her and make her feel good about herself for the right reasons, not for the reasons she used to. I don't see her like most people do, I just don't, someone so happy and joyful, has so much pain trapped deep in her eyes, don't get me wrong, its not about pity, she's strong enough to hold her own, but trusting enough to let me in. We might be dead opposites, but when it comes to a personal level? We are one and the same.
She hasn't really understood that I can see these things, and  I've been through them, being insecure is mind crippling, its something I've been fighting and fighting with, its hard to keep it down when some random girl laughs at you and says, "Jennifer are you seeing what I'm seeing?"
I understand these things. I've been treated like I have a problem, so I end up swearing a lot, keeping to myself, working hard towards my goals so I can feel a lot better about myself.
I just don't want her to feel good off something that she shouldn't be, because getting attention is intoxicating.
I'm still not sure about what she thinks about me, I feel like she's not one to say such but still she inspires me in some way.

Inspired by Chris Brown's "Beautiful People"

#NP Drake's "Paris Morton Music"

This is how my baby must look, by fire or by force :P

Isn't he just the cutest???

I LOVE YOU T.M.B. <3

Treading on Fire and Ice with feet that feel....

Is what I do sometimes... It may be painful, it may be sweet
But the best part is the memory of the feelings....
and the lessons learnt !!

No Edits

I'm gonna freestyle this one, no edits, no second looks, no correction, nothing, fuck it.
So 'Rey you have hurt 3 girls within 3 weeks what's wrong with you now? what have you become, I know what is going on it has been taking my life and basically throwing it up and down but its a tough thing to deal with, failure, even when you succeeded, you took it out on J, u took out on chinelo and you done the same thing with uche, I know you're a good kid but you can't let failure bring you down, I know its your life hanging but there are people that really care and love you, and you've just been hurting them, I mean look at J, u guys have been friends for over 8 years, you guys dated at first and we don't know what happened after that then you recently asked her inappropriate questions about that time, who gives a fuck about who she was with, she's with you now! and she has always supported u, think about your really bad times, bad break ups.
Now there's Uche, why did you have to do that ehn? I dunno what to do now, I'm onlyy writing this because I feel something in the pit of my stomach thats making me feel very weak and I there are so many things going round my mind, I just have to let it out, and i didn't want to put this on the internet but i know she'll read this.
Let me be honest here, yes it was directed at you and only you, I mean you've been talking to me about God and stuff and not swearing  and all but your whole persona contradicts it, and then I saw u leave wt dapo, dt jst sealed it, I am soooo not judgemental but for goodness sake be real with me what are you about are u straight laced or not!? look you would be surprised at how ashamed and upset i am and i swear im not gonna stop until I get everyfng bk to d way it was yesterday. and yes I'm beginning to like you, can u imagine, i came to to this place to learn what i wanted to and bail. i remember telling peter that something was telling me that something like this will happen, i really didn't want this. or i dunno maybe its good that ds happened because its just sealed it for me... i like u.. i understand if u aren't gonna talk to me but im nt gonna stop until we get bak to where we were even if i have to make a scene in that place i swear i will........uche, it hurts that i said that, bearly knowing you, but i really hope u understand wr im coming. I was so angry when i was typing that because d person that i thought i wd learn something moral from is doing some ish, look i dunno i probably gona post this and never look at it again, my weekend is gonna be unbearable and don't think for a second that i won't fight to be heared or to have a chance to properly apologise to you face-to-face.... uche im sorry, im not like the others and u know that i just want u to be real with me.... and iv never said anything about you to anybody in that place to be honest d only people i like are peter and patrick, well ive known peter for over 6 years but patrick is very ok.... well 3.... u. cos u see even though i have mixed feelings about you/ one thing cannot be denied u r a good person, im sorry uche, im so sorry

......THE DILEMMAS OF A FREE SPIRITED TEENAGER......

.....THE DILEMMAS OF A FREE SPIRITED TEENAGER PART 3.....
FIRE

Oh wow... When I think about Fire I dont even know what to say.....
I'm filled with the craziest mix of feelings!!!.... He has so much energy and so much vitality....
His mind is so alive and so active, its inspiring....

And His facial expressions and body language are both amusing and compelling.... His personality intoxicates me.
He isn't the kinda guy you like for his physical attributes....(He is Dead cute by the way )..... but his character has a uniqueness that is so attractive, its almost magnetic.

I don't know him a lot, but I definitely know enough to see that I wanna know more about this mysterious and absolutely adorable individual :)

......THE DILEMMAS OF A FREE SPIRITED TEENAGER......

......THE DILEMMAS OF A FREE SPIRITED TEENAGER PART 2......

WHIRLWIND......

Geez that boy is the sweetest thing since Chocolate!! And I think he may be the one I have fallen for ultimately. 
He has got the cutest expressions and a lover's touch. According to him, when he falls for a girl, she knows.
I think he has fallen for me, his expressions, words, body language and smiles say he's hooked on me....

But I can almost swear that I see a different thing sometimes in his eyes... Its like he wants me to believe he likes me, so that he can get to do stuff with me. He's always so touchy touchy and the PDA is destructive...

I know a part of me has fallen for his charm, but the other is desperately trying to pick it up. Its a lot of mixed emotions with him... cuz for one , a lot of girls are on his P... even some shameless babe sent him pictures of her naked boobs (N)... That he still has it gives me the hugest doubts.

But I know one thing.... when I see him, my heart does a little somersault and he makes me look back at him whenever he leaves a room.

......THE DILEMMAS OF A FREE SPIRITED TEENAGER......

Its hard for me to accept the notion that I am "HOT" ..... And its also a lot of work dealing with guys who are simultaneously intensely attracted to me without hurting anyone's ego....

Its a real bummer, having to deal with myself when I found out that I happen to like more than one of them.......

But the worst part is having all 3 of them under the same roof with me for 6 hours every weekday !

......THE DILEMMAS OF A FREE SPIRITED TEENAGER PART 1......

EARTH....

My goodness His body is HAWWWTTTTT!!!!! and HARD if I do say so myself....**chuckle** .... The first thing I noticed about him is that he has the cutest smile... and those teeth.....gorgeous!!

I guess U'd think I was infatuated with him, but Im not, He is the most caring, understanding HOT guy Ive met in a while. Usually guys that hot are Jerks and he knocks that impression off my mind with a flash of his Megawatt smile.
I don't really think that I'm pretty enough for him to give a damn about me, but the way he treats me is wonderful!! Guarded, cautious, not wanting to step on the wrong pedals, plus he is Funny and has never asked me to Kiss him despite the fact that he has told me he wants me. I like him too, but I still am not sure he likes me as much as he says he does, so I am cautious with him.

But I tell you if that guy's body touches mine in any intimate way.. (hug included) I will melt like butter in heat !!!