Thursday, January 5, 2012

So this is me trying to appreciate my body :)

I am a victim of my own paranoia

A Gemini's touch

I liked to think of myself as a beast .....


No, that's not right..... I liked to think that Aphrodite had a hand in creating me.

Or maybe more than a hand......


Who is Aphrodite?


She's the goddess of love


Of  fertility and lust...


I'd liked to think I was her special project...... Until now.

Lying in my own bed for the first time this weekend, I understand now what it feels like to be taken. To be at the mercy of someone better than you at what you thought you could do best. To be underneath someone who counters all your moves almost immediately you try to; and then pulls the same moves on you and you are completely helpless. To be tortured and not be able to torture. Captor turned captive and predator, prey.

I feel completely powwerless....This cannot be possible. Its already done I understand, but how is it that an art that I am over-familiar with seem so new, intense and foreign? How is it entirely possible for my most powerful weapon, my body, betray me and become another's tool against me. Im sitting on my favorite grandfather chair, rocking with irritation as I try to rationalize the events of yesterday.... The cool evening breeze whooshes by, causing my bare legs to tingle with rising goosebumps. I look at my legs and hate my body more for its betrayal.

And then I gently raise my legs in the air and do a little wiggle.... And I remember the smirk on his face as he raised his head and

Your legs are shaking..... Good 


I...I... I don't understand 


You shouldn't ..... It would be a fail on my path if you did.


It would be hard to forget that tell-tale smirk he had on, even while he slept. His arms draped albeit possessively around my naked  torso; an embrace that made it easy for me to move around, but hard for me to leave the bed. As I struggled with my thoughts, trying to find a valid reason why my body had betrayed me,  I failed to notice that he had woken up.
With closed eyes and a yielding mouth, he pulled me closer and captured a nipple with his mouth. His fingers toyed with  the other, teasing until it became a firm little soldier.

The curtains drew shut against my thoughts...

He momentarily freed the nipple and looked at me with his sleep brown eyes and smiled

You looked so troubled... I don't want you to be troubled in my bed


I'm fine, its really nothing


He reached up and kissed my neck, a shiver ran down my spine. My mind shut down.

You have the most beautiful arch... And the most arousing love faces 

He chuckled.

Apparently, Aphrodite didn't touch me alone..... I'm angry

But He's a Gemini, and so am I... and then it hits me.

I've never had another touch me....

Its amazing, this new discovery, of how wondrous it feels

For the tables to turn to much

By a simple Gemini's touch.