So this is me trying to appreciate my body :)

I am a victim of my own paranoia

A Gemini's touch

I liked to think of myself as a beast .....


No, that's not right..... I liked to think that Aphrodite had a hand in creating me.

Or maybe more than a hand......


Who is Aphrodite?


She's the goddess of love


Of  fertility and lust...


I'd liked to think I was her special project...... Until now.

Lying in my own bed for the first time this weekend, I understand now what it feels like to be taken. To be at the mercy of someone better than you at what you thought you could do best. To be underneath someone who counters all your moves almost immediately you try to; and then pulls the same moves on you and you are completely helpless. To be tortured and not be able to torture. Captor turned captive and predator, prey.

I feel completely powwerless....This cannot be possible. Its already done I understand, but how is it that an art that I am over-familiar with seem so new, intense and foreign? How is it entirely possible for my most powerful weapon, my body, betray me and become another's tool against me. Im sitting on my favorite grandfather chair, rocking with irritation as I try to rationalize the events of yesterday.... The cool evening breeze whooshes by, causing my bare legs to tingle with rising goosebumps. I look at my legs and hate my body more for its betrayal.

And then I gently raise my legs in the air and do a little wiggle.... And I remember the smirk on his face as he raised his head and

Your legs are shaking..... Good 


I...I... I don't understand 


You shouldn't ..... It would be a fail on my path if you did.


It would be hard to forget that tell-tale smirk he had on, even while he slept. His arms draped albeit possessively around my naked  torso; an embrace that made it easy for me to move around, but hard for me to leave the bed. As I struggled with my thoughts, trying to find a valid reason why my body had betrayed me,  I failed to notice that he had woken up.
With closed eyes and a yielding mouth, he pulled me closer and captured a nipple with his mouth. His fingers toyed with  the other, teasing until it became a firm little soldier.

The curtains drew shut against my thoughts...

He momentarily freed the nipple and looked at me with his sleep brown eyes and smiled

You looked so troubled... I don't want you to be troubled in my bed


I'm fine, its really nothing


He reached up and kissed my neck, a shiver ran down my spine. My mind shut down.

You have the most beautiful arch... And the most arousing love faces 

He chuckled.

Apparently, Aphrodite didn't touch me alone..... I'm angry

But He's a Gemini, and so am I... and then it hits me.

I've never had another touch me....

Its amazing, this new discovery, of how wondrous it feels

For the tables to turn to much

By a simple Gemini's touch.

God's Answer To A Black Woman's Prayer

Lord, Why Did You Make Me Black…
Why did you make someone the world would hold back? 
Black is the color of dirty clothes, 
Of grimy hands and feet… 
Black is the color of darkness, Of tired beaten streets…
Why did you give me thick lips,
A broad nose and and kinky hair?
Why did you create someone
Who receives the hated stare?
Black is the color of the bruised eye
When someone gets hurt…
Black is the color of darkness,
Black is the color of dirt.
Why is my bone structure so thick,
My hips and cheeks so high?
Why are my eyes brown,
And not the color of the sky?
Why do people think I’m useless?
How come I feel so used?
Why do people see my skin
And think I should be abused?
Lord, I just don’t understand…
What is it about my skin?
Why it is some people want to hate me
And not know the person within?
Black is what people are “Labeled”
When others want to keep them away…
Black is the color of shadows cast…
Black is the end of the day.
Lord you know my own people mistreat me,
And you know this just ain’t right…
They don’t like my hair; they don’t like my skin, as they say I’m too dark or too light!
Lord, don’t you think It’s time to make a change?
Why don’t you redo creation
And make everyone the same?




God’s Reply: 

Why did I make you black? 
Why did I make you black? I made you in the color of coal from which beautiful diamonds are formed…

I made you in the color of oil, 
The black gold which keeps people warm. Your color is the same as the rich dark soil that grows the food you need… 

Your color is the same as the black stallion and panther, Oh what majestic creatures indeed! 
All colors of the heavenly rainbow 
Can be found throughout every nation… 
When all these colors are blended, 
You become my greatest creation!
Your hair is the texture of lamb’s wool, 
Such a beautiful creature, is he… 
I am the shepherd who watches them, I will ALWAYS watch over thee! 
You are the color of the midnight sky, I put star glitter in your eyes… 
There’s a beautiful smile hidden behind your pain… 
That’s why your cheeks are so high!
You are the color of dark clouds
From the hurricanes I create in September… 
I made your lips so full and thick, 
So when you kiss… they will remember! 
Your stature is strong, your bone structure thick to withstand the 
Burden of time…
The reflection you see in the mirror, 
That image that looks back, that is MINE! 
So get off your knees, 
Look in the mirror and tell me what you see? I didn’t make you in the image of darkness…
I made you in the image of ME!

  I can still taste you on my lips, still feel the cool evening breeze caressing my hair, the glitters of my shirt on your face, hands and neck...

      I can still feel the heat on my cheeks when you said we were being watched.... For that moment I felt invincible...There was only you and me and the magic of our kiss ...

     We may never kiss again and we may never talk again like we used to, I will never forget that evening breeze fanning my semi-concealed thighs...

     And the way you put your arms around me and held me like nothing else mattered..... If this is what a kiss should be like, then you were my first kiss...

     I remember when we were so close together, our eyes almost colliding, talking but not paying attention....Your kiss is like a rare type of magic ..

     I know I shouldn't have kissed you back, I shouldn't have encouraged it, But I'm glad I did because it was worth every guilt trip.

     I will have to move on and leave you with her, I may never feel anything thing for you, but the memory of your kiss will be ingrained in my body and in my soul for all time.....

                                               ....And when I'm older, married and with kids

                                               ....I'll sip my tea on a sunny Saturday,

                                               ....Lost in Blissful Yesterdays...

The Reason..

It hurts to be away from you..
To know that I cannot reach you,
To come to terms with the fact that I want to be next to you
And to realize I cant.

Its a feeling I don't want to wish on my worst enemy.
Do you know how worried I was?
So I buried my head and my heart into the next best thing,
And I must say it welcomed me with open arms...

And I forgot about the pain and the heartache,
And I tried to have a good time again...
Frankly, I don't know If I feel the same way about you.
And I wish that wasn't the case...

You don't fall in love with someone and shut the person out,
You don't claim you love someone and not give her the chance to love you back.

I have a feeling things will change between us, but I dont want it to.
You should realize that if we are going to be, you have to let me be me.
I'm only human and sometimes I need to breathe...
I dont love you like I used to...
But I will fight for the will to

But as of now, there is smoke in the air
And when it clears out, we will always be here.
Together or apart, I cant really say...
But whatever it is will be better that way

The Feeling

I can't help myself,
I stare,
I touch,
in my world, my finger is the brush, your body is the canvas,
I continue to paint,
touching your skin as light as I can, my touch giving you goose pimples, the feeling, making you shiver,
Its a feeling I can't control,
a feeling I don't want to control,
a feeling I don't want to know how to stop,
a feeling I don't want to try to stop,
Its been too long,
so this is what an attraction means,
exactly like magnets,
I'm trying not to follow you,
this is hard,
its hard to hold back,
I want to be next to you,
but I have to let you be you,
it aches,
I curse this feeling,
why can't I have you just the way I want you?
are you not mine?
am I not yours?
then why can't I possess you the way I want to, anytime I want to.
Your skin,
your scent,
you.
Please don't go.

#NP Drink The Night Away - Tyga F/ The Game & Mario

Desire

Gentle touches,

art in mind,

so I treat her body that way,

every stroke is a new color,

every stroke is divine,

everything that has led to this moment I blame on the intoxicating feeling of love and wine,

the full moon shines bright on her sweaty skin exposing the beads slowly dripping down,

I lose track of everything,

nothing is wrong,

nothing is right,

nothing makes sense anymore,

we are animals for the night.

I've tasted everything,

kissed everything,

made everything produce liquid,

and I've licked and sucked it all.

Her head is tilted back,

the constant pressure and throbbing affects her every movement,

the force jolts her,

every stroke,

a light gasp,

the effect is taking her away,

I bring her back, kiss, lick, nibble, eat,

her body is mine and I'm doing what I want with it.

I take myself lower,

slowly reaching her most sensitive region,

my tongue wants to play,

it moves in my mouth begging to embrace and to be embraced,

finally its let out,

and with every twist, lick and suck,

the moans get louder and louder,

I get deeper and deeper

and she eventually begins to scream and beg,

its intoxicating, her screams,

not too loud, not too silent.

The echoes, the darkness and the moonlight plays a part in this our most natural act.

Her hands quiver, desperately searching for something to grab and hold on to,

and she finds my hair,

she pulls burying her nails in my scalp,

but I don't feel anything amazingly,

the only thing I feel is her want for more, and I am determined to fulfill.

Her words, however incoherent seems to make sense to me,

the slight change of tone in every scream, moan, language tells me to never stop,

and I'm enjoying every nano-second of it,

still working my tongue, fingers, hands, everything to make the next stroke twice as special,

twice as pleasurable,

she is wet,

terribly wet,

I didn't stop until she screamed the words that let me know I had opened the flood gates inside her.

I placed my finger one last time and kissed it goodnight.

Till next time

#np Chris Brown's No Bullshit